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Writer's pictureDIVYA JAIN

Do not fake being Okay - Mandeep Roy

Updated: Sep 29, 2022

(Edited by Divya Jain)

 

You might often say “I'm fine” whenever someone asks you the question “How are you?”- but not everything goes according to the plan. You may have said “I’m fine” so much that it has become the only answer to “How are you?” even if you may not be fine at times.


Most of the time, you hide your actual feelings and pretend to be okay even though you may not be and become hesitant in expressing your emotions and completely avoiding how you feel.


Life is not always the same. There are ups and downs, sometimes you’re happy, sometimes you’re sad but to suppress your emotion and act as if you’re okay is not the way to go. Revealing your emotions helps in properly accepting the change or the situation you’re in and expressing those emotions calms the mind.


You can have negative emotions and thoughts, but the approach to them varies greatly. On one hand, you can judge these emotions as "bad" or fake being okay. On the other hand, you can accept these emotions as natural and a part of human existence and not feel guilty for experiencing them.


Pretending to be okay to avoid publicly expressing negative feelings will lead to emotional escalation which after time leads to emotional outbursts and even panic attacks and can create feelings of helplessness which further lead to chronic stress. Anger and grief are examples of such emotions.


Studies have found that people who habitually accept their emotions experience fewer negative emotions and it also allows them to die down those emotions quickly[1]. Accepting one’s mental experience and not avoiding or hiding it leads to one experiencing a greater psychological and mental health[2].

People who do accept their emotions also experience fewer mental health issues such as anxiety or mood disorder[3] and simultaneously promote a reduction in negative emotions[4].


A recent study by the Harvard School of Public Health and the University of Rochester showed that people who suppress their emotions regularly had a higher chance of premature death by up to 30% and an increase in being diagnosed with cancer by 70%[5] and with the longer term, it may lead to diabetes or an increased risk of heart diseases[6].


Hiding your emotions also prevents clear and open communication with the people you care about in your life. This lack of communication makes it difficult to form new relationships with someone and may even end up cutting ties with your close ones[7].


Along with emotional suppression, the idea of being positive all the time and avoiding negative emotions, labeling them as “bad” is quite toxic in reality. Toxic positive phrases, "It could always be worse”, “Just look on the bright side”, and so on sound hopeful at first but promote emotional suppression as a means to cope with the situation. This “Toxic Positivity” encourages emotional suppression which psychologists and researchers highly disagree with[8].


You should let your emotions run their natural and short-lived course. This will lead to you being mindful of yourself and your overall health. You can try to express your emotions and not bottle them up in various ways.

Some of the ways include:-


1. Sharing your feelings honestly with others. Emotions are a part of existence and to accept and share it honestly with others makes the existence of such emotions more meaningful.


2. Confront the cause of the emotions if they can be detected. Confronting the cause eases the emotion and may even prevent it from causing more negative emotions in the future.


3. Being okay with the idea of not being okay and practicing mindfulness. You must let go of the shame of being judged when expressing your feelings and remind yourself that it's okay to not be fine and allow yourself to process those emotions. By accepting the negative emotions, the emotions flow in their natural and short-lived path rather than get intensified.


4. Seeking professional help. Talking to a therapist can help you out a lot in understanding your emotions. A sense of trust and safe space is also constructed while talking to a therapist.


5. Journaling your emotions. Writing down what you feel on a piece of paper is a unique idea that is beneficial whenever you feel negative emotions. Journaling can help in managing anxiety, reducing stress, and tracking your negative emotions for future analysis.

Conclusion


Emotional suppression is harmful to mental, emotional, and physical health. Proper acceptance of emotions will lead to better emotional, physical, and mental health. Letting go of the shame associated with expressing negative emotions is something that should be practiced. It's okay to not be okay and being able to express negative emotions will lead to being mindful of those emotions and reduce the chance of emotional buildup and mental issues. No emotion is permanent and every emotion be it happiness or sadness is essential and should be let to run its natural and short-lived course.



References

[1] Campbell-Sills, L., Barlow, D. H., Brown, T. A., & Hofmann, S. G. (2006). Effects of suppression and acceptance on emotional responses of individuals with anxiety and mood disorders. Behaviour Research and Therapy, 44, 1251–1263. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.brat.2005.10.001

[2] Baer, R. A., Smith, G. T., & Allen, K. B. (2004). Assessment of mindfulness by self-report: The Kentucky inventory of mindfulness skills. Assessment, 11, 191–206. http://dx.doi.org/10.1177/1073191104268029

[3] Aldao, A., Nolen-Hoeksema, S., & Schweizer, S. (2010). Emotion-regulation strategies across psychopathology: A meta-analytic review. Clinical Psychology Review, 30, 217–237 https://doi.org/10.1016/j.cpr.2009.11.004

[4] Campbell-Sills, L., Barlow, D. H., Brown, T. A., & Hofmann, S. G. (2006). Effects of suppression and acceptance on emotional responses of individuals with anxiety and mood disorders. Behaviour Research and Therapy, 44, 1251–1263. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.brat.2005.10.001

[5] Benjamin P. Chapman, Kevin Fiscella, Ichiro Kawachi, Paul Duberstein, Peter Muennig, Emotion suppression and mortality risk over a 12-year follow-up, Journal of Psychosomatic Research, Volume 75, Issue 4, 2013, Pages 381-385, ISSN 0022-3999, https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jpsychores.2013.07.014

[6] The University of Texas at Austin. "Psychologists find the meaning of aggression: 'Monty Python' scene helps research." ScienceDaily. ScienceDaily, 24 March 2011. www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2011/03/110323105202.htm

[7] Seger-Guttmann, Tali, and Hana Medler-Liraz. "The costs of hiding and faking emotions: The case of extraverts and introverts." The Journal of psychology 150.3 (2016): 342-357. https://doi.org/10.1080/00223980.2015.1052358

[8] Dr. Ritu Bhattacharyya, Mr. Nikhelesh Bhattacharyya, Mr. Shail Sharaff. “Toxic Positivity and Mental Health – It Is Ok to Not Be Ok”. Design Engineering, Oct. 2021, pp. 5109 -27, http://www.thedesignengineering.com/index.php/DE/article/view/5464.

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